Ten Years
by FullmetalReborn
Summary: Mabel Pines accepted that she would be stuck on the other side of the portal. Her heart was scarred just as bad as her flesh and the only thought that kept her going is her twin brother and her great uncle Ford. When she gets the chance to return home she realizes movies and books never warn you about the aftermath of being away for ten years.
1. Chapter 1

**Let's take a crack at Gravity Falls on Fanfiction and see where it leads.**

 **Things to know about this AU before diving in: This is set in NWHS but before anyone can do anything about the portal, while Mabel is suspended in the air, she gets sucked into the portal and it collapses afterwards. She meets Ford on the other side and lives with him for ten years. She earns her scars and heartbreak and ends up getting a more secluded personality instead of being bright and fuzy. She returns ten years afterwards at the age of 22 and reunites with her twin brother who had never stopped trying to save her.**

 **This is not in any way going to deal with romance. I want to explore the effect the portal and being left alone would have on the twins and how they attempt to patch things up. So enjoy! Everything revealed in due time.**

* * *

It hadn't exactly ended as it did in fairytales and cliché chick flicks. Mabel already knew what to expect from people and the world around her. She expected the worst so she wouldn't be disappointed when things went sour.

She had accepted that she would never see Dipper again. She accepted that the last time she would see him was when he was scared, frightened and crying. It had been over ten years since she had last seen him and she was starting to forget what he looked like. Maybe she had kept her hair short because she knew she would look like Dipper.

She tied a piece of rag in the short curly mess, quickly realizing that the short haircut made it easier to escape from people. Long hair was just another weakness when she had to make quick escapes.

She accepted that she wouldn't find Dipper ever again and learned to survive beside her Great Uncle Ford (Boy that was a surprise that had her in hysterics when she was twelve). He kept her close and away from most of the fighting before she proved her worth. She had seen horrors no kid should ever see and her innocence was stripped from her. But she didn't care because she had to keep Ford safe. She had to keep herself safe because, damn it, she still _hoped_.

She still dreamed about seeing Dipper again. He alternated ages in her dreams. He was either twelve with a bright smile or an awkward teenager. She knew she based it on herself and she didn't care. Dipper made her days a little brighter and made her heart waver when she felt like she was losing herself in the darkness of the fight.

She dreamed of going home, about being in Dipper's arms, being with Waddles and attending high school. She thought about making Mabel juice, patching things up with her Grunkle Stan. It always ended happily without any cares in the world.

She didn't factor in the fact it had been ten years since she last saw her brother. She didn't factor in the way she felt wrong when she thought about all the things she had done.

She didn't think about Dipper's feelings.

It was ten years before she was finally returned home.

Dipper was different. He wasn't twelve anymore and his body had filled out with lean muscle. His hair was pushed back, looking windswept and revealing his Big Dipper birthmark. His eyes were wide, staring at her as she finally disposed of the extra weight on her body. She didn't care, she thought. She flung her arms around him, making him squeak before he stepped back, squeezing her and twirling her. They stayed together for a very long time, feeling the warmth of their skin and the beat of hearts that sang ' _twins_.'

Dipper trembled beneath her arms and breathed her in, whispering the words she had always dreamed about. _'I missed you, Mabs.'_

She quickly realized she really didn't know nothing about her twin brother. The night that they had returned home she had been woken up by soft voices in the hall outside of the room she was in. Apparently her old room needed to be cleaned (They didn't think the portal would actually work).

"You got a call from Blubs." She heard her Grunkle Stan say as she laid in bed.

"What was it this time?" Dipper mumbled, sounding sleepy. He confirmed her thoughts as he yawned, the soft snapping of his jaw could be heard in the silence of the house.

"He said the Fairies are stealing food from his garden. He tried to shoo them but they retaliated and scratched him."

Dipper hummed, probably on his way to the restroom. "I'm on it. Probably a shortage of food in the woods. Stupid Gnomes. I won't be back till late."

Stan grunted. "Let me patch you up."

"What? I'm not-"

"Kid, how long have I been watching your ass? Ten years. I know an injury when I see one. Come on."

She stayed silent, heart thudding in her chest painfully before they were muffled by the door to the restroom.

Dipper didn't come home till later, dirty and agitated while scratching at the bandaged forearm. He smiled at her, grabbed some food and headed back out with a 'be back in the morning!'

She quickly realized Dipper was never home anyways. She woke up at nights to realize he was gone and Grunkle Stan didn't bat an eyelash. She knew the forest was dangerous, probably not as dangerous as the portal but it was bad enough. She was worried. She just got her brother back; she was not going to let some asshat think they could mess with him.

One night she decided enough was enough. She got suited up, passing a quick hand sign with Ford she had mastered over the years before leaving the shack. She was dressed in a sleeveless turtle neck. Her baggy jeans fit her form snuggly and her assault rifle was tight across her chest.

She had felt just a bit of an inkling of her younger self when she saw the boxes of her colorful and bright sweaters (She hadn't asked about the other boxes of stuff from her home in Piedmont. She was scared about what that would mean). For now she wanted to hide herself as much as she could. Scars were hidden along her torso and legs. Her arms weren't any better but she could put up with them.

She followed after him carefully, years of experience engrained into her mind before she climbed a tree to look into the area Dipper had stopped at. It was pretty dark but he seemed to navigate with ease. He reached towards one of the trees, leaning in and speaking softly.

The forest lit up instantly. She blinked in surprise as tiny glowing balls began to hover around him. Her brother smiled brightly at them, holding out his hands for the balls to land on.

He was meeting up with Fairies. She had learned a bit about Gravity Falls after years of living with Ford. They calmed her down after panic attacks. Gravity Falls meant Dipper and now, as she watched him chat with the Fairies and play with them she felt like she was breeching his privacy.

She knew she couldn't leave till he did since she didn't want to get caught. She spent a few hours up there, her legs cramping until she gave in and shifted. She alerted the Fairies who hissed at her, making her lose her balance and fall right out of the tree.

"Mabel?" Dipper asked, batting his hands and holding one out for her to take. He seemed confused until he took in her attire and the guilty and embarrassed look on her face. "Were you following me?"

She stuttered, not sure how to phrase what exactly what she was doing before she took his hand and hefted herself up. She dusted herself off, flustered because she was coming up empty. "Would you believe I couldn't sleep and went for a walk?"

"Uh, yeah. But because you look like you stole my spaghetti I'm not buying it."

She grinned, eyes nervous. "Damn, worth a shot, right?"

"Mabel, seriously." He said, eyes holding a bit of anger. It was one of the only emotions she had seen him wear since she came home.

"I was worried." She admitted, holding her hands out in front of her in a nervous tick. "The woods aren't safe. I don't know what's in here and you're always going out." She bit her tongue at what she really wanted to say. She was scared to admit she was scared he would get hurt. It felt like it wasn't her place to say it.

"Mabel, I don't need you to worry about me." He said, irritated as a few Fairies giggled, sitting on his shoulders as he crossed his arms over his chest. Some pulled at Mabel's hair, making her glare in irritation at them. "I'm sorry if I haven't been around but I've been busy."

She made a motion at the Fairies to leave her alone, "I don't even know what you do, Dipper."

"I thought Grunkle Stan told you already." His eyebrows knit in confusion and a bit of hot anger bubbled in her chest. She knew she had to accept the worst but she was home, after years and years of torment. She wanted everything to end like in a movie!

"I want to hear it from you. My twin brother, okay?" She snapped, startling the Fairies as Dipper gazed in surprise. She played with her bracelet, calming down the rage in her heart. "It's weird, okay? I didn't expect everything to be hunky dory but I thought that-that at least you would be good with me." She gestured between them, feeling hot tears behind her eyes. "I thought that we would still have the cool twin closeness things but we don't and it scares me!"

There was silence between them and she felt like running again. She raised her hands to mess with her mess of short hair and pressed the thoughts about thinking she looked like Dipper out of her mind.

Dipper gave a sigh, raising a hand to press it against the back of his neck. "Fuck, Mabel I know but…" He broke off, looking out at the Fairies who hung off of his every word. "Alright, shows over. Get, I'll be over tomorrow to check on Granny Oak." The Fairies giggled, a few kissing his cheek before disappearing into their homes.

He grabbed her by the elbow and got her to walk onto the trail again. "It's been ten years. Things change."

' _I don't want things to change!_ ' She thought desperately. She ran her fingers through her hair, annoyed she couldn't chew on it anymore.

"People change." He added softly.

Her heart froze and she knew he heard her sharp intake of breath. He was right. She felt like he could suddenly see all of her flaws, all of her scars and she fidgeted, crossing her arms over her chest as a flush of shame washed over her. Think up, Mabel! She told herself, praying not to fall back into a pit of awful and icky feelings. She wanted to snuggle up with Ford again and it pained her to think how much she relied on the man.

"We aren't twelve anymore. We have different lives." He was speaking again, not noticing her sudden defensive behavior. "It doesn't mean we can't be close it just means that things will be different."

He stopped as they neared the shack, rubbing at his face. "Listen, I'm bad at this but we can make this work." He looked at her, the moon illuminating his face. It was still Dipper, even if he felt like a stranger. "You're still my sister. I promise I'll make more of an effort."

She gave a nod of understanding, not caring as he pulled her in for a hug.

She laid in bed for a long time, staring at the old rotted ceiling. It hadn't been an awkward sibling hug. She tucked herself into the blankets, pressing her face into the pillow and crying.

Somehow she hadn't returned to Dipper after all. She lost him long ago when she fell through the portal.


	2. Who would want me?

**Would have had this done sooner but kind of lost touch with my editor and my life got busy. This is not beta'd and does have quite a bit mistakes my eyes can't catch but I am sure yours will. Something about already being used to my usual mistakes.**

 **Hope you enjoy this! Please leave me any thoughts you have.**

* * *

"Fifty bucks says I can swindle them." Stan said gruffly, smirk pulling at his lips as Dipper snorted, eyes not leaving the demonology book in front of him.

"No way. You can't pull the wool over Pacifica's eyes." He jabbed a finger his uncle's way as he scribbled down a few notes at the top of the page. "She doesn't know but she will know if you ask for more money."

"It won't put a dent in her pocket!" Stan remarked, leaning against the counter to look at the book he was flipping through. It was an easy day at the Shack. Stan wasn't even dressed properly for tours and they both waited for someone to come through the door (Dipper had twenty bucks riding that they would get a customer before they opened. Stan said 'yeah right!' and they both slammed the money onto the counter).

"True, but guess who she learned from?" He watched Stan preen under the declaration and puff out his chest.

"Heh, guess she did learn from the best. Still say I can swindle them."

Dipper held up for all of two minutes before sighing and grinning. He held out his pinky finger, a new form of handshakes since they both had bitter memories concerning handshakes. "Alright. Fifty bucks, I say she will call out your bullshit."

"Deal!"

No sooner had they hooked pinkies did the door to the basement slam open and a creature burst through. It screeched at them with its four eyes as it crawled its way forward with slimy tentacles.

"AHHH! KILL IT!" Stan screamed as it jumped onto the counter, snarling at Dipper who jumped back in shock. His great uncle brought up a rolled up newspaper and whacked it a few times for good measure.

"Don't let it taste human flesh!" They heard Mabel scream as she bounded upstairs. She sprang forward for it, slamming all of the books and merchandise off the counter. Dipper winced as the glass jars shattered across the floor and the creature hissed, missing her grasp.

She rolled over, cornering the thing before raising her hands. She was wearing bulky gloves Dipper had never seen before. She jumped onto it, a bright light flashing in the room as the thing howled.

She turned, all smiles as she held up the fried animal.

"Jeez, kid!" Stan exclaimed as Dipper raised a hand to his chest and groaned at his ruined book. The thing had nasty looking suckers that ripped the page apart. "Eww! That thing reeks!"

"Pssh! It's just a little bit of rotting flesh!"

"Mabel, we are having customers soon." Dipper bit out, closing his book to look at her and wave a hand around with a frown. "And damn. That smells worse than Stan's-"

"Point is! Take it out. Throw it out." Stan interrupted as Dipper gave a sheepish smile.

Mabel frowned, huffing and then brightening as someone else came from the basement. "Look! Someone who will appreciate my awesomeness!"

Ford bounded up, looking exasperated before giving the happiest smile Dipper had ever seen on him. Actually, Dipper hadn't seen him that much since he arrived and Stan had asked him repeatedly to attempt to make some conversation. They had a pretty big bomb to drop about their situation and Dipper needed immediate access into the basement.

"Good job Mabel! That's my girl! Now come on! We need to get that thing contained and ready for dissection!" Mabel bounded over with a grin, going downstairs first as Ford turned to leave. Stan smacked him with the newspaper and he sighed (and cringed cause _ew_ , the thing was still covered in slime).

"Hey! Uh, Great Uncle Ford? Do you mind if we have a talk?" Dipper asked carefully, feeling some nervousness pool into his gut at the innocent question. This was the man he spent an entire summer fawning over. When he was twelve he had been overwhelmed. Those were dark times he would rather not think about for too long.

"Hm? Sure! But later, I'm far too busy at the moment! Well! Call me for Dinner!"

Dipper deflated instantly at being dismissed. He ran a hand through his hair, messing up the locks and giving a look to Stan who frowned.

"He's a jerk. Sorry about that, kid. I thought he would be…" He waved a hand, as if that would explain it but Dipper waved him off. "It's fine. I haven't had a chance to talk to Mabel that much either."

They both fell into silence before the door for the shop was open and Stan let out a curse word.

Dipper grinned, grabbing the twenty from the counter and stuffing it into his pocket.

* * *

Dipper had been drawing a few practice warding circles when there was a tentative knock on his door. He paused, looking up in time to see the door open carefully.

It was Mabel who regarded him with a shy and awkward smile.

He felt a little embarrassed suddenly. He rubbed at his face tiredly, looking at his clock and realizing it was almost near one A.M. "What? Is everything alright?" He sat up in response, closing the book up (he had found some tape and had put together the pieces that gotten torn).

"Peachy. I thought maybe we could talk." She came and sat down beside him, fiddling with a piece of her hair nervously. He had never thought he would see Mabel being nervous around him. But there was a wall around them now that he hadn't seen before or even considered.

"Uh, yeah. That's good." They fell into silence and Dipper decided it was his turn to put in some effort. He kneeled by the bed and shoved his books underneath, stretching out his limbs and groaning when his back popped in response. "I brought your stuff over from California when I started to stay here all year."

Mabel's eyes widened. "All year? You lived in Gravity Falls?"

He grimaced and gave a soft nod. "Mhmm. After uh, the issue with the portal Mom and Dad were pissed and demanded I return home. But… after a while I couldn't…" He made a motion with his hand as if that would explain those years without Mabel. Nothing could describe how heart broken his parents were and the downward spiral they had. Eventually it became obsessive and over protective. Especially when all he wanted was to return to Gravity Falls and to Stan. "When I was sixteen I sat them down and talked about what happened." He winced. "Afterwards I came here."

He had barely escaped being thrown into an asylum. He had been hysterically attempting to get his parents to understand that he needed to return and when he said Mabel needed him he was sentenced to his room for weeks until he called Soos, softly asking for help.

But he didn't elaborate. He would rather not explain the shaky situation with his parents who thought he was sick in the head since the 'death' of his twin.

"So, what do you do?" Mabel asked after a moment of silence.

Dipper unconsciously rubbed his arm, sitting down and not looking at her. "I investigate supernatural occurrences in Gravity Falls and learn about the different animals around here." It was a small and condensed version of what he really did.

She gave a nod, probably not understanding. Everything was so awkward around them. He couldn't even talk to her completely anymore. He didn't feel that urge within him that demanded he share absolutely everything with him.

"What about you?" He turned to her seeing her freeze up.

"Just uh, nerd stuff with Ford. It's been a tough ten years in the portal." She said softly as a response.

Dipper thought she would elaborate and she didn't.

Something twisted at that and he immediately got mad at himself. He had no right to be mad at her for not explaining what had happened. He wasn't being completely honest with her either.

"So, I was wondering when I could go back into the basement? I left some stuff there."

Mabel froze and her eyes hardened. "Nope. Oh uh, actually not a good idea right now. Grunkle Ford is taking apart the portal and just tying up a few things. Do you know how dangerous what you did actually was?"

He looked at her, catching her off guard. "Of course I do."

They fell into silence. They were finally together again and it seemed like they didn't know why they had wanted to see each other so bad. It was like accomplishing a goal and then sitting back and asking 'what do I do now?'

"I gotta go." Mabel said softly. "Ford wants me to finish up a few loose ends. Night, Dipper."

"Night Mabs." He waited till her couldn't hear her footsteps anymore before dropping himself in the bed and rubbing his face tiredly. Everything seemed to be going wrong and he wasn't sure if he could actually fit this.

* * *

He was sitting out on the porch, exhausted and nursing a chilled coffee from Starbucks. He had bought a few to keep himself awake without needing the warm beverage. He regretted staying up the night before in an attempt to create a new flawless ward.

He rubbed at his eye tiredly, taking a sip and then not caring as he let his hair flop lazily in front of his eyes. He had grown tired of it a few years back when he realized that it would get in his way and was too high maintenance. Not to mention he had grown some awkward confidence in the previous years. Sometimes he reverted to caps and hoodies when he was too lazy to look for anything else.

He pulled off his cap to flatten his hair when it slipped, his drink and the hat falling to the floor lazily.

He cursed, picking up the bottle and reaching for the cap before something snatched it and ran off. He hissed in annoyance as Gompers ran and shuffled under the house with a bleep.

"Little bastard!" He snarled, leaving his bottle and ducking out under the house for the stupid goat. Sure, the bastard could be cute but he was not in the mood for it.

He reached closer, grabbing it and smacking his head on the wood above him as he pulled. "Let go, Gompers!"

He moved and the ground suddenly fell out from under him. The stupid goat let go, letting him plummet into the dark pits below. He let out a scream of alarm, smashing into something and hissing at the swimming of his head. He groaned, sitting up and raising a hand to massage his forehead.

The dust settled and he quickly realized he had fallen face first into a table. He blinked, noticing he had dropped a few things and a jar that looked familiar to the stupid creature from the other day was broken.

"Oh no."

He scrambled to his feet as there was a hissing and something immediately came at him full force. He shoved his cap onto his head, jumping away once more with practiced ease. His eyes narrowed at the animal, about ready to get the heck away from it when he saw it hissing and spitting.

It was bluffing.

Dipper's fingers twitched as he kneeled down onto the ground, narrowing his eyes at it carefully as it recoiled, hissing and spitting acid. It was… dangerous and disgusting but he knew what a scared animal looked like when he saw it.

He carefully held out a hand, making sure to keep his magic close by incase it attacked. "Come on." He whispered.

It stared, inching back and instead hiding in a corner. He frowned, lowering his hand as it gave something close to a whimper. Something akin to guilt wormed into his gut at the thought that his sister had electrocuted this thing.

"Dipper? I thought I told you not to come down here!"

He jumped at his sister's voice, turning around to see her stomping over with a protective fire in her gaze. "Mabel? No, it was an accident-"

"What? Oh no, it's free! Don't move!"

"Wait, no Mabel-"

But she was raising her fists and springing forward.

Something in him was snapping. He was reacting to her protective gaze, he knew it but still allowed himself to snap. "Stop it!"

In an instant she was surrounded in a blue aura as was the creature. She stared, eyes impossibly wide as he instantly relaxed letting her down. His hand reached for the necklace around his neck where a red amulet was. He held it tightly within his left hand for a moment, looking at the creature and flicking his eyes to the side where it ran over.

"What was that." Mabel said, staring at him with a harsh gaze.

"Magic." He said. He grabbed one of the cages held on the side and put it on the ground, gesturing for the creature to worm it's way inside. "Just a trick I picked up."

"That looked like Gideon." She said, voice softer and a sort of betrayed gaze in her eyes.

"Because it is." He flicked a hand out, the creature now covered in blue before he put it into the cage and flicked the lock. "It's a magic enhancer. It's so I don't die if I use spells. But it also works for simple stuff. Psychic stuff I guess."

"Where the hell did you even get that?" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"I made it." He huffed. "I lived in Gravity Falls and I can't fight everything with a knife. I have to have another back up plan. Not everyone has guns and magic electric gloves."

Mabel fell silent and he felt he had been just a tad bit harsh with his words. He shook his head, reaching to grab the cage and pick it up.

"Sorry about your table." He mumbled, awkwardly standing there before disappearing back upstairs.

* * *

"A fishing trip?" He asked in disbelief as he restocked the gift shop. He could hear the hum from the other end.

"Yeah, your family does dorky stuff like that. Get everyone to go along and fix it up." Pacifica had called him a few hours ago to say his Grunkle owed him fifty bucks. He couldn't pull the wool over her eyes. He quickly explained the situation to her which she took with practiced ease.

"I don't know. How will I ever explain everything to them?"

"Dipper." She started, sounding tense. "They are your family. A Pines family. Trust each other a little more, okay? You can do this. I know you are having a hard time but it's hard for them too. Come on, don't be a baby, you dork."

He snorted. "Okay, okay. I'm taking your boat out then."

"Thief."

"Snob."

A few hours later he was planning the trip and attempting to get the basement dwellers onboard. He awkwardly explained it to Stan who looked tense before shrugging and nodding. They both felt the tension of the divided house.

He climbed down the steps of the basement, turning into the elevator and jamming in the code. He waited patiently, picking at a loose string on jeans as the doors slid open and he climbed inside. He wasted no time in quickly pressing the buttons to reach the bottom floor. He had barely opened the doors when he ducked at the large blast that came barreling his way.

"Holy shit!" He heard Mabel exclaim as he looked up in shock. She was holding a gun (It looked weird and futuristic) and her eyes were impossibly wide. "Dipper! You have to be careful!"

He almost cringed at those words. He never thought Mabel would become so trigger happy. He waved a hand off at her, coming inside and messing with his hair as Ford frowned and took the gun from Mabel.

"Is something wrong, Dipper?" Ford asked, putting the gun back onto the table so he could tinker with it some more. Mabel hung off him with a smile and an ache went through his chest.

"No, I uh, I wanted to ask you guys if you'd uh..." He coughed, almost scoffing at his confidence that fell down the drain. Pacifica would never let him live it down. Mabel looked up, her eyes shining as she seemed to realize what he was stuck on doing.

"Come on, spit it out, Dip-dop." The words slipped out of her lips and the both of them seemed to freeze. She looked away, suddenly a little uncomfortable.

"I'm planning a trip with Stan to go out to the lake later this week. Maybe tomorrow. I was hoping we could all go."

Mabel looked up, surprise lighting her eyes at his request. He wondered how much she knew about the Stan's past.

"Hmm. I might have to take a rain check. I have some stuff to clean up down here. It's a little messy and my things are disorganized."

Wow, that was two blows to his chest and he lightly winced.

"You can go, if you'd like Mabel." Ford paused to look at his sister and he felt an inkling of hurt in his chest. He messed with his hair, willing it to go away.

Mabel bit her lip, eyes worried and slightly conflicted. "I think I'll stay. Sorry Dipper. It's just I don't like it when Ford does this stuff by himself. He has hurt himself in the past."

There was the third blow. What was it? Three strikes you're out. He deflated almost instantly.

She gave a small smile. "Rain check?"

"Rain check." He mumbled, waving a hand and wandering back to the elevator in order to tell Pacifica the news and bury himself in crappy movie reruns for four hours.

He crossed through the gift shop and looked at Stan. His hands were shoved into his pockets as he gave a shrug. He attempted not to look as hurt as he was. His thoughts were taking a negative turn and he would rather not indulge them. Mabel had been so adamant her first days back to get to do more stuff together and he was trying but it was like she decided to suddenly pull away.

"Sorry Stan." He mumbled, giving a small smile. "Rain check."

He turned to go grab the phone and call up Pacifica to let her know he wasn't going to be able to make it.

"How'd it go?" She greeted.

"I got thrown out and almost shot at." He said mildly irritated and wanting to go out and buy a tub of ice cream. "They shot me first. I feel like a six year old who got told we weren't going to Disneyland anymore."

It was embarrassing!

Pacifica gave a small sigh on the other end. "I'm sorry, Dipper. I guess… I thought Mabel wouldn't have changed, you're still adorkable after all."

He smiled a little at her words, leaning against the wooden railing. "You know I have changed as well. It was bound to happen. It was ten years, Paz."

"Well it's okay. You can just plan something else. Maybe a trip to the beach when the weather starts getting warm again? You got to reintroduce those two to society."

"Ugh, I forgot about that." He kicked at the piece of wood of the steps. He would need to replace the wood soon enough and put it on his mental To-Do list. "Still feel kind of shitty. Want to buy me ice cream?"

"If you let me paint your nails?"

He laughed, something bright and colorful as he smothered it with his hand. "I'm lucky I cut my hair."

"I know! I would have dyed it by now. Plus, I just got these new colors from a new line in Paris. It is going to look wonderful once it dries!" She sounded girly and he snorted. He almost forgot how much he leaned on Paz after the years. She was currently in Gravity Falls for a spring break before she returned to school for her Business Degree.

"I'm sure I'll appreciate it at 3 A.M or when I'm out making some treaties. They'll love the color."

"Keep teasing, asshole. I'll use the cute new powder pink if you keep it going." He could hear the smile on her lips and a warmth filled his chest.

* * *

With Pacifica's reassurance he continued to attempt to make some family bonding moments. He asked them to go see a movie.

' _Sorry!'_ Ford had said, pushing him to the elevator as Mabel let out a cry of _'It's biting me!'_

He told them there was a marathon rerun of duck-tective and Stan had bought a bunch of snacks to binge.

 _'_ _Sorry, Dip! Ford just made this awesome gun that like, just combusts things? I think I'm in love.'_

After the fourth time his confidence was gone and he was laying on the floor in the gift shop with a defeated groan.

"Kid." Stan said, toeing him with his shoe. "I got customer's coming in an hour. Look alive."

Dipper looked at his Great Uncle. He frowned, really not feeling like doing much and wasn't sure he could take much more of the rejections.

He got up and dusted himself off.

"No luck?" Stan eventually asked, handing him a cup of coffee.

"No." He said, dejected. Over the years he had gotten closer to his uncle and had no trouble in coming clean with his worries. The man was still gruff and denied things awkwardly but Dipper knew how to pick him apart to make it less awkward for the both of them. "I don't know. I haven't been allowed to set foot down there." He paused, shifting the coffee to raise his hands and make quotation marks with his fingers. "It's too 'dangerous'."

Stan rolled his eyes. Dipper was glad he had agreed with that. Dipper felt caged due to their attitudes and treating him like he hadn't spent ten years endangering himself by building the portal. Danger was something he went into willingly and he already had trouble accepting people and their 'I know what's best for you' attitude. Dipper spent years in the basement; he knew the portal front and back.

Why did they both not seem to realize that?

"I think…" He started carefully, leaning over the edge of the counter, hand wrapping around his necklace. "I'm just going to return to my stuff. Maybe pay a visit to Multibear, stay the night to discuss a few things."

Stan paused from reading the paper. "…If you feel like that's what you want to do."

He nodded. "I'll take Paz with me. Sound good?"

Dipper was waved off and he went to pack up all of the stuff needed and call up his friend to make sure she would be able to make it with him. She was free, thank god. She said she would be returning back to school in a few days which meant he had to plan quickly.

He had finished and had been heading downstairs to grab a few waters to store into his bag when he saw Mabel in the kitchen with Ford chattering excitedly. There was that ache again. There was the Mabel who he was best friends with when he was twelve.

He shoved the waters into his bag and left it by the door when Mabel looked at him and gave him a smile. He gave a small one before he heard Stan's voice from down the hall.

"Dipper! Call for ya!"

Dipper paused, blinking because anyone who would call the landline was either from town (which was not normal since everyone now had his cellphone number and the cellphone hadn't gone off) or… or…

He closed his eyes for a moment, not wanting to deal with this before running off to grab the phone from Stan who patted his shoulder. He went into the living room, sitting down and pressing his fingers to the wall in an attempt to ignore the ache in his chest.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dipper." His mother's voice said very softly on the other end.

"Hey mom. How are you?" He kept his voice even, hoping she wouldn't want to go on a very long lecture. He had conflicting feelings about his parents.

"I'm fine, honey. I was just thinking about you the other day. I wanted to ask if you got the pills. Your doctor keeps asking me to tell you to take them."

Doctor. She couldn't even say psychiatrist. He closed his eyes tightly, "Mom, I don't need those anymore, we've been over this."

"Dipper, I'm just worried about you."

"I know, mom. But you need to understand I am perfectly fine." He tried not to get too loud. He already felt heated that the reason his mom was so adamant about his 'health' was due to the two people in his kitchen he could not connect to.

She was very quiet for a moment. Everything was so strained with his family lately he felt like he was being tugged from two sides. He felt impossibly alone again.

"I miss you."

His breath caught and he pressed his face onto the wall. "I know. But we need to stay like this for a little more."

"I-I know. I just… I love you Dipper. You are always going to be my baby."

"I love you too mom." He mumbled softly. She calmed herself down before bidding him goodbye.

He stayed with his face pressed into the wall and closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about family right now. He didn't want to think about his current crappy situation.

He didn't want to think about his twin.

"Was that mom?"

He froze, not yet composed and not willing to face her. "Yes." He said tense.

Mabel gave a small huff. "I don't suppose I can see her again, huh?"

The thought sent ice into his belly. "Mom's sick. I'm sick."

He paused, shaking his head. He turned, not looking at her and grabbing his back pack and heading past her.

"You're going out?" She tried, her voice softer.

"Yup. I won't be home for a few days." He commented idly.

"Another trip?"

He was wound up, trying his best not to snap at her because now she wanted to speak to him and learn about him? He said he would try for her after she had started to follow him. He had felt so bad and she shut him out. "Yes. I'm leaving."

He didn't let her answer and instead headed out the door way too early to meet Pacifica.

* * *

Pacifica was rather tall and her hair had grown past her waist. She was always wearing something classy to one up him and had make up applied. Always.

Now was no different. She may have had on combat boots but he recognized designer jeans and the expensive necklace around her neck.

"Really?" Dipper asked, a smirk on his lips when she turned her head away, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We may be camping but I will do it in style."

He grinned, looking at his map and shrugging them along onto the right path.

The trip… went great.

They traded stories and talked about all of their mishaps. Pacifica was blunt and sharp but she was still good at giving him the comfort and support he needed. He was the muscle power and brain if she needed something and she often did. He lost count on how many times he had filled in as her boyfriend to piss off her parents and to get creepy suiters off her back.

("You're so much crazier than them. They don't stand a chance.")

They found Multibear in his cave, brewing up some tea for them to drink. He offered them to stay for the night but they declined. Dipper knew the perfect place near the Gnome part of the forest that would be great for stargazing.

He had set up their tent and Pacifica was changing into something more comfortable when he finally stared up at the sky and the different set of constellations.

"Alright big guy, what's the problem?" Pacifica asked as she took a seat beside him.

Dipper sighed, "I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought… I thought it would be like picking up where we left off. I spent so much time just thinking about Mabel being back, I never realized what would happen afterwards."

The blonde hummed, "Dipper. I know you're trying really hard but maybe they can't see that? To be honest, they sound like how you get when you're on a big research hunt."

He pursed his lips. "But, she was trying, Paz." He stuttered now, feeling his emotions unwinding. "She followed me, she thought I couldn't handle myself and I had only shut her out because the Fairies were getting anxious because of the great-!" He broke off, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I shut her out first, didn't I?"

Pacifica let out a, "Yup!" as a response.

They fell into another comfortable silence before Pacifca laid down beside him. "Dipper, is it so hard to accept Mabel the way she is now?"

The question hit him like a knife as he rolled over, shutting his eyes and ignoring the stinging pain because he knew he didn't want to admit it. Instead, he very softly muttered, "Can she accept me the way I am now?"

* * *

When their trip finished, they wandered back to the Mystery Shack so they could eat lunch before Dipper drove her back to the manor so she could get ready to take off to school again.

"I think purple would like nice?" Pacifica questioned, holding the two bottles as Dipper nudged the door open.

"What happened to Powder Pink?" He teased, grinning when she smacked his shoulder.

"You really want me to do it don't you?" She grinned back.

Walking inside he was greeted by Ford and Mabel in the living room with papers thrown around. Pacifica kicked the back of his knees. "Hey." He said, shooting her a glare that she chose to ignore.

Mabel looked up sharply, some pen marks on her cheeks before she grinned. "Hey Dipper! How was your trip?" And then her eyes fell on Pacifica who was holding the purple nail polish and frowning at it. "Pacifica?" She said in disbelief.

Oh right, Dipper thought, setting his bag down, She didn't know he was friends with Pacifica.

"Hello Mabel." The blonde said politely, shoving the bottle into Dipper's pocket. "That's the one. When I come back for Summer I'll properly unleash my wrath."

Dipper snorted, flicking her behind the ear. "I'll be sure to barricade the doors."

She smacked him, giving another polite smile and running upstairs to get her shower over with.

Mabel was still staring in confusion, something in her eyes made him anxious. "You know Pacifica?"

He gave a nod, sitting down on the wooden floor to stare at them. Ford was still staring at the ground and at his papers strewn about. "Yeah, she… she funded the project to get the portal running."

Mabel put her papers down, suddenly interested. "Snobby stuck up Pacifica helped you?"

Dipper grinned, feeling more at ease as the topic flowed onto his best friend. "She's still a snob, don't get me wrong. But she really helped me when I needed it."

Like getting him out of his home in California. He remembered sitting with her on the freeway with only their bags as she harshly dished out their situations and then told him they would be okay.

"That's really surprising." Mabel said, her voice soft and tense.

Dipper looked up with a frown. "Not really. We left on good terms before everything went to shit. When you fight off a bunch of ghosts with someone there really is no doubt that you can trust them."

The silence fell back over them as Mabel had her attention called by something Ford said. He decided now was the best time than anything. "Hey, so what exactly are you guys working on?"

He thought about the portal and he had a feeling that was probably what they were thinking of.

"Just picking up the basement!" Mabel replied cheerily and he gave her a hard look.

"You guys do know I was living out of that basement, right?" His fingers played with the amulet around his neck in pensive thought. "I know how to put the portal together as easily as I know how to dismantle it."

Ford looked up at his words. "Dipper, I wonder if you understand what exactly you did by doing that."

It was the first time his Great Uncle addressed him so seriously and his hands tightened around the amulet.

"I read your warnings."

"That was very stupid." He exclaimed. "It was bad enough that Stanley did it but a third time?"

He was being blamed and he was okay with that. "I don't regret it." _Don't make me regret it._

His stomach felt like a rock at the thought.

"It was reckless." Ford tried again. "There are other forces at work here that are waiting for that opportunity-!"

"Okay, first of all just stop." Dipper suddenly exclaimed. He felt a surge in his magic and calmed down. "I understand the danger, I saw the warnings and I researched it all. But I did it because I love my family." He felt the ball of emotions tightening again. "And like hell would I let Mabel stay over there. If anyone can lecture me on how reckless it was, it's probably Stan, okay? But only because he had done the same shit. Stan was at it for forty years. Forty fucking years and the first thing that you guys do is just- _avoid each other?_ "

"Did you think that maybe, we should talk about this instead of playing games and pretending everything was okay?" He felt the rush of magic and cursed, dropping the amulet and clenching his hands onto his knees. "That we should stop pretending that we aren't strangers with each other and that maybe it won't ever be okay?"

The silence was heavy again. He didn't look at them and instead brought his knees to his chest and rested his face on them. "After Mabel disappeared I made a deal with Stan. It's the no secrets in the Pines family pact. I'm trying to live by that but I'm sorry. I can't talk to either of you. I don't know you."

"That's not fair, Dipper." Mabel suddenly exclaimed. "Why do you think I can't talk to you? Because I come out of the portal and here you are! Flaunting magic and hanging out with fairies like, Dipper that was different even for you!"

"Don't give me that!" He snapped back to her. "You came through the portal acting nothing like Mabel! You nearly shot my head off and tortured an animal on the possible chance it was dangerous! Like, what the hell? You were barely able to kill caterpillars when you were twelve!"

"I'm not twelve anymore!" She screamed, jumping to her feet to scream at him. "I'm twenty two and I spent ten years learning to kill things that almost ripped my throat out. I killed because I had to and I don't need you bullshitting my life because I'm different then you expected."

"What the fuck do you think you're doing to me right now?" He shot back, the coil of hot anger in his stomach as he stood. He had a few inches on her and was glad for it. "I'm twenty two and I don't need you shitting on me because I'm not your kid brother anymore!"

"You didn't see what I saw!" She screamed, lip quivering. "You don't know how much I told myself I wanted to see you again but had to accept I wouldn't! You didn't see some assholes impersonating you and making me do things I would never do! You never saw them hurting Ford and you never had to chew your way out of a damn heavy enforced net because he was dying-!"

"Don't you fucking dare pull that shit on me." He said, deathly still as his heart pounded within his chest. "I will not let you compare our stories. I will not let this become some shit ass game of who had the worst ten years, Mabel. I told myself I wouldn't compare with you. Because like fuck do I know about you. You don't know about me either."

Mabel sniffled, eyes filled with an unfamiliar anger and one he had never seen on his sister's face. "What could have been so terrible in a warm house with working water and the safety of a bed every night? Huh, Dipper? Can you tell me that?"

And it was there. The anxiety rose in his chest and he was thinking about it before he could stop.

 _Crying, broken, defeated, please let me save her_ -

He stepped back, shoving her as well and turned because he was going to throw up and like hell would he let her see how it affected him. "Go away, Mabel." He hissed, voice empty and broken before he left the house, slamming the door behind him and breaking out into a sprint.

* * *

"Dip?"

He curled into his jacket, face buried into his knees in an attempt not to show how messed up he currently was. His hood was pulled up over his head and he clenched his arms tightly around his legs. "Dipper's not here," He stopped, letting out a bitter laugh at what he was about to say. "He's in hoodie town."

He closed his eyes tightly, instead focusing on keeping the tears out of his eyes.

"Hmm? Well, when is he planning to come out? I'm leaving soon and I wanna see him."

Dipper took a breath, peeking up from his knees to see Pacifica leaned over him with a soft look on her face. He felt like they were fourteen again and he was hiding out from his parents. He kept forgetting that Pacifica was able to pick him apart easily.

"I heard from Stanley." She said, sitting down on the grass in front of him. She crossed her legs and picked at the grass underneath her legs. "Don't get used to the attention." She muttered, extending her hand for him to take.

He didn't hesitate, intertwining their fingers. It was a comfort; he needed some kind of contact when he had a sudden episode. He stayed looking at their hands, calming down his beating heart as the swell of hurt in his chest started to fade.

"Take your time, not like I have a plane to catch." There was a soft hint of sarcasm that made him give a weak smile at her.

"Paz, I don't think I can fix this family." He whispered. "Everything hurts."

"Dip, it isn't just up to you." She said softly. "You know as well as I do that a family has to work together in order to make things better."

Dipper knew she spoke from experience and watched as she flipped his hand over, tracing the lines of his skin.

"You did wrong too but I know you know that." She said gently.

"She doesn't know. I went off on them like a jerk." He muttered in discontent. He knew they were both at least sort of at fault but it had been building for the past few days. Pent up frustrations never did anyone any good.

"Mhmm. Come on big guy, let's get you home before it gets any later."

She let him hold her hand on the way home as he curled into his hoodie. His comfort jacket was always nearby when he needed it as was Pacifica.

He looked at her back, the way she held herself with confidence and dignity. He felt small compared to her, one of the lights of his life. How many times had she pulled him out of the dirt, literally and figuratively? He squeezed her hand gently, happy when she squeezed back.

* * *

He ended up sleeping for most of the rest of the next day. He had taken some of the pills in his cabinet when it was 1 A.M and he hadn't felt tired. He had a few questionable dreams that made him more concerned with how on earth he was supposed to make up with his family. He flopped over on his bed, squinting at the light sneaking in through the window in annoyance. His mouth felt dry and his blankets were twisted up in his legs.

He saw a cup of coffee on his desk and realized it was from his Grunkle Stan. There was a note, telling him to take it easy on the sleeping pills before letting him know he was free to work his shift whenever ("Not like you get paid anyways." He did, but Stan wouldn't let him know that). He snorted about that, getting up and grabbing his stuff for a shower.

When he was done he returned to dress. There was a knock on his door when he grabbed a shirt. He grunted as permission, turning to pull it over his head and look at the pile of books he had to finish sorting through. The door clicked open as he messed with his wet hair, pushing it back messily before he grabbed the amulet off the desk and slipped it on around his neck.

He turned and froze at the sight of Mabel standing in the doorway. She stared intently at him for a moment and it made him uncomfortable. He flopped his hands, turning away from her again in an attempt to clean up his side of the bed. He still didn't want to face her. He would rather run away. Fuck, he was scared to death of uncertainty. His life had been mostly in control when he had been by himself. Well, somewhat in control.

"I'm sorry." She said softly after a moment of tense silence.

Dipper stopped, hands splayed out over his bed because he really hadn't been expecting her to say it. "Me too." He said after a tense moment.

He turned, holding his hands together a little awkwardly. It was like the time they had found each other in the forest again. "It's been a rough few weeks." He commented to her.

She gave a weak smile. "More like a few years." The conversation got thick and she sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. "Dipper, look. I'm not used to this, okay? I spent so many years just being afraid and now, it's really different. You're really different. I'm scared I made you into some perfect thing into my head and now, now I can't unsee it when I'm with you."

He listened to her, gazing back down at his bed in thought. "I picked up all of your habits." He started gently. "I hadn't realized it until I start pulling sweater town. I had all these things that were Mabel, and for a while, I kind of…" He rubbed his own face. "I ended up in a downward spiral because I hated them. I didn't want to take things that were yours. It just made it harder to convince people I was fine."

Mabel fell silent and he felt the urge to cry in his throat. "Mabel, you were pronounced dead. Mom and Dad never got over the fact that they lost their only daughter. They would talk about how wonderful you were. All I wanted to do was get you back and they wouldn't let me."

He felt an anxiety bubble up in his chest because he was going down that road again. "Mabel, I had to leave them because they became dangerous to me. I love them but they wouldn't let me leave the house. They were scared I would be taken like you had been and soon, everything was possessive. It was suffocating." He gripped his arms. "I was powerless and was just reminded of you every single day since they wouldn't let me go back to Grunkle Stan."

"Then I got back here and couldn't figure out the portal. I searched the forest and asked and wandered and got so fucked up." He let out a bitter laugh. "Mabel, I started to believe you were dead…only because if I didn't I don't think I would have survived."

Mabel hiccupped, getting his attention as she wiped at her eyes. "There was a shape shifter." She whispered. "He looked at my memories and he became you. It was like looking in a mirror and… and then he tried to kill me." She grabbed the end of her turtle neck, pulling it down to reveal the horribly scarred flesh. "So I got a knife, while I was almost dying and had to kill him. Told myself it was okay, this wasn't Dipper but he started crying and I couldn't see past my tears."

Her hands trembled as she covered her face. "I promised if I came back I would be good to you. I would make it right. Who wants a sister who betrayed their trust? Who wants a sister who would kill their brother so effortlessly? Who would want me?" Her voice was so small and tearful he felt his vision blur.

He reached for her hands, merely holding them for a long moment as she became tense in his grip. "I'd want that sister." He whispered. "I'd always want that sister."

She looked up, brown eyes holding too much pain for her age. "Dipper, what if I mess up again? What if we can't fix this stupid icky mess between us?"

"We try." He muttered, staring at her hands as they were his comfort spot. "We try to fix it to the best of our ability. It might not be the same but it will be something."

"What if I hurt you?" There was a tint of fear but he had already pulled her into his grasp. The tensed before wrapping her arms around him. It was different from the one they had given each other when she returned from the portal. Her arms were tight, trembling with a fragile sort of strength. His arms looped around her neck, pulling in her close as he buried his face into the short mess of curls. She smelled of something sickly sweet and oil. It wasn't the usual Mabel smell but it was one he could get used to if he needed to.

"You won't." He muttered against her hair. "I know you won't."

She fell quiet in his arms.

They stayed quiet for a long time, Mabel's soft gasps and sniffles the only thing filling up his bedroom. Then, with slight hesitation he patted her back, whispering, "Pat, pat."

She broke down into laughter and sobs almost instantly.


End file.
